


Play to Win

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-30
Updated: 2005-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:31:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7094419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So many ways to go and none of them are right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play to Win

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

**** 

I wonder if this is how Faith felt in the beginning? At least, I hope its the beginning because I don't think I could stand this being the middle. How little time there is. 

I was hoping an answer, or a vague suggestion of an answer, would present itself. This has yet to occur. 

I wonder, perhaps, if this is how it will end. Alone, save for the scatching from behind that locked door. 

Is it wrong to punish her? 

I asked her, a few days ago, when I remembered what the noise was, 'Am I wrong to punish you?' 

Her response was not as sharp as it once was, malnutrition is limiting her vicious tongue. 

'From who's point of view?' She replied, wearily, like this question was too demanding for such an hour of the night or even for such an existance. But my look of confusion spurred her onwards and she said, 'From your point of view, no, you're not wrong to punish me, but from mine? Well, sure you are.' 

'I rather think that you are somewhat biased in this area.' I tried to close the door but she managed to jam her foot in it, I toyed with the idea of closing the door regardless, to hear her pain but I decided that this would make me no better than her. 

'What?' I demanded instead. 

'I haven't finished,' She winced, I was still applying pressure to her foot. I eased off a little. 'But its also right from my point of view.' 

I looked at her, intrigued at this new turn of events, was this remorse? 

'The more you punish me, the more you fall from grace. Where are your friends now Wesley? Where is your play book? Who will have you now? Don't you see who you're punishing?' 

I slammed the door, she removed her foot at the last second and I felt, to my horror, disappointed not to hear the crack of bones that I had anticipated. The door seemed to shake on its hinges for far longer than was technically possible and continued to do so on the edge of my hearing until the night we found Angel. 

That night, I think I reached the middle, as it were. I realise that I can no longer pretend to be simply looking at the abysss from a comfortable distance. 

That night, the last ditch hopes that I harboured for an easy forgiveness were shattered by five careless words from a hallucinating, barely coherent, beast. I could have killed him then, when he was weak. But I am not one to kick a man when he is down. 

That night, I realised the path that was before me. Or should I say paths. I wouldn't like to use anything so cliched as a crossroad metaphor or a spinning arrow nor am I going to burst into a song about river bends (although that is possibly more appropriate, except for the music, dance and animated pixels), but the idea is there. 

I could go uphill, the hardest path. Choose the path that my Slayer, before me, has chosen to walk. It would be so much easier if I could see the proof of success but I don't believe it exists. Even Angel is still making his way uphill for all his hopeful prophecies. 

I could go downhill, join Evil Incorporated as it were. Choose the path that my Slayer, before me, once chose to walk. If I believed it a successful path, then perhaps I would take it. They always said I was a coward. But I know success does not lie this way, head downhill for too long and you're bound to trip eventually. 

And so I can go flat but winding with corners around which I cannot see. Choose the path that my Slayer, before me, should have chosen. No seeking for the forgiveness of others nor the spiral into dust and ashes. Instead, I will live with myself, in my head, without judgement, without knowing to what end these means will lead me. This may not be the easiest way, nor the hardest, but I wasn't brought up to play that way. I play to win. 

FIN


End file.
